2013-01-02, 08:20 AM
Retalion Wrote:When I read this thread, I was intrigued, because I could definitely see arguments swinging both ways (though when I saw someone posting this, I expected outrage from the TS, simply because things are often only posted when they bring about a severe reaction, and severe reactions are often negative. That being said, no offense meant). On one hand, I agree that these are important guidelines to etiquette, that these are important life lessons. However, I can also see the list being too imposing.
Personally, I question the method of doing this. From my own experiences, I've learnt that the most striking life lessons are learned "in the wild", at school, in the workplace, and in everyday interactions in life. Fact of the matter is, parents tell us many things, but we don't understand them till we truly experience it. It's like a parent telling a child "don't date till after high school". The child/teen won't understand the reason, and even think its unfair. But when they're older, looking back on it, they'd probably agree it made sense. Am I saying high school relationships don't work? No. However, you can't deny the fact that most high schoolers are not ready to be in a relationship, and that dating could indeed hinder their studies. But the high schoolers won't think so at the time. Most, if not all of us here are beyond 13, so this list looks reasonable to us; we've experienced the world, made our mistakes, learned from them, etc. However, imagine this list in the eyes of a 13 year old.
When I was 10, my mom proposed that all the gifts/money I got for Christmas be donated to poor children in Africa. I was appalled by that as a kid. I was even angry/mad. "All the other kids are getting presents and I don't get anything? ITS NOT FAIR". At the age of 10, you (least me anyways) only think about yourself, and comparing with others. I put up such a fuss about it that my mom gave up on the idea. I'm 23 now, and for the past few years, I've always taken all the money (because people don't know what to get me, so they usually give me cash) that I've gotten for Christmas and redirected it to charities or used it to buy things for families in need. I also match the amount that I spend on gifts for others and add that to what I give out. This was exactly what my mom saw 10+ years ago when I was a child. However, this was also something my mom couldn't enforce on me by making me sign a contract or by simply taking my gifts and giving them to others. This was something I had to decide myself, willingly, at roughly the age of 20. "I don't need/want much, I have a whole life of earning money ahead of me, why not use this money to help those who need it?"
That list of things that the mom has given the child. They're all good things, I agree. However, I believe these things have to be learnt on their own. No contract, no matter how in depth and how well enforced, will teach as life does. And while all the best intentions were given here, I wouldn't be surprised if the plan backfired, much like my mom's did when I was younger.
Your mom sounds special (No offence, I'm just confused as to how she expects a 10 year old kid to have that kind of compassion and selflessness when almost all of them won't because they don't have the life experiences to decide on that). Personally, I think that's why she included the part about making mistakes because she's wise enough to know he's going to screw up on at least one of those points but she's also telling him that's when they'll sit down and talk about it.