YAYY MAPLESTORY FAN-FIC! Soo... constructive criticism please?
So, the story is supposed to be about an alternate history in the maplestory world where mages took over and live with a sort of dictatorship over the other classes. Some mages think it is wrong and are trying to change it, and it goes on from there. The title doesn't come from the revolution in the prologue, but from the revolution that the main characters are trying to create.

Things Worth Knowing

Onnex [Onex] – The name of the small island in which the Regmate Ams resides. It was named after the group of mages who organized the revolution.

Regmate Ams [Reg Mah Teh Alms] – The guild of mages that rule over the entire maple world currently. They are feared by many and extremely powerful. They are the government of the maple world, a mix between totalinariasm and an oligarchy.


Characters (Name [pronunciation])

Err Cato [Heir Kay Toh] – A member of the Regmate Ams.

Divi Ne [Dih Vih Neh] – A member of the Regmate Ams.

Tilc Opt [Tilk Opt] – A member of the Regmate Ams.

Jynn Gem [Ginn Gem] – A member of the Regmate Ams.

Jeye Ojyo [Jay Oh jio] – A member of the Regmate Ams.

Glean [Gleen] – A member of the Regmate Ams.

Exiss Sdeslns [X Is Dez ullns] – A member of the Regmate Ams.

Almuce [Al muse] – A constant rebel against the Regmate Ams.

Nix Gleath [Nicks Gleeth] – Part of Almuce’s rebel group.

Aoick Gylugz [A Oh Ick Gee Luhgz] – Part of Almuce’s rebel group.

“Our time has finally come. No more shall we have to endure insults and ridicule, have to be helped by imbeciles to live on. We shall be higher than they ever were, treat them like they did us. With the help of the fourth amelioration, we shall claim our rightful place in this world; as its rulers. But first, we shall throw our unreliable leader Grendel, into the afterlife. He has done nothing in his entire lifetime to help us, to make us stronger, to stop this nonsense, and now he shall be given what he deserves. In fact, we already have.”

The man onstage made a gesture towards the right side of the crowd, near the edge of the platform where the ship to Orbis docks, there was a figure. The figure was a bit twisted, not moving, not breathing. Many mages started to teleport to higher places to try to get a better look at the figure. It was a dead body, horribly mangled and seemed to be burnt. A small crystal ball dropped from its burnt robe. It was the crystal ball on Grendel’s staff. As the crowd realized this, they stood shocked and in awe, they were unsure of what to think now. Grendel had been their teacher and protector for as long as they had known. A bright beam of light shot from the stage and hit the dead body. It fell off the platform thousands of feet to the ground, there was no thump heard. The crowd looked towards the stage to see who had shot the angel ray. “May the power of God burn you…,” muttered the man who had been giving the speech, “demon.”

As the man giving the speech walked off the stage, he was cheered on by thousands of magicians in the crowd. They had been convinced in his confident actions that he was right, Onnex was right. Onnex was what this group of magicians who had organized the entire revolution called themselves. Grendel’s home stood a few yards behind the stage. In an instant, the entire building caught fire and collapsed. The magicians in the crowd cheered again.

The mages were preparing for battle and this whole presentation was made for their motivation. The magicians had planned a war, an ambush on the entire world. After millenniums of being the weakest and most unrecognized race, they were filled with the anger of their ancestors, their people, and themselves. A stern looking man walked onto the stage. He tapped his throat with his wand a couple of times and got ready to speak. His voice boomed across the whole crowd, but no one moved an inch. This man was the mastermind behind planning the attack, and he was once more explaining his plan to those ready to fight. The mages were to take to the skies with their bahamut summons. Those unable to get help from a bishop would surround towns and wait until the signal was shown.

The man who had planned the attack thought that if they controlled Victoria Island, all other land would be forced to give in to their control as Victoria was the main continent for basically everything. The attack was planned for that night. “So now get ready magicians, for in a few hours the signal will be set, and the ambush will have begun. Remember, the big bang,” the man sternly voiced. At this, the magicians all set out, quietly and swiftly. It was close to four in the morning and so there were almost no people who had seen them. Some who did were murdered quickly by the huge crowd of magicians, ready to fight.

Four hours passed and almost everyone was located at a town except for Sleepywood and Nautilus Port, surrounding it and waiting. Each group was lead by a couple of the group of Onnex. The magicians lay in wait for “the big bang”. Suddenly high in the sky directly above Sleepywood, there was a huge flash of light like a fireball, followed by a large bang that seemed to be able to shatter glass. Shockwaves flew out from the fireball and rocked the Earth. Then, it suddenly descended down quickly straight into Sleepywood. This fireball, which was almost half of Sleepywood’s size, exploded into the ground and a great beam of light and fire shot up into the sky. Sleepywood was gone completely, replaced by an enormous crater five times of what Sleepywood’s normal size was.

As people in the towns were just waking up to the sound and rattle, they were ambushed by thousands upon thousands of magicians. They spared no one except for other magicians. Children and women were thought of as easy targets and killed on the spot. The towns were set on fire and some parts frozen solid, but the highest power of these magician fighters were up to the third advancement. Fear struck these unprepared people as they were unable to hold them back, but they didn’t give up as the people teamed up quickly and were able to start fighting back. The mages were not the only ones to get the fourth advancement, as all of these people had also received it. Many magicians were overpowered by skills such as triple throw and hurricane. Assassinate and dark sight had become an enormous problem for them. Amidst all the fighting, there was another bang sound and the ground shook once again. This was the second signal and was directly over Nautilus Port and completely decimating it.

The mages on ground seemed to retreat and the towns started to rejoice, but also weep for those killed. It seemed to be over until they heard a loud booming voice repeating “Look Up”. As the people looked up and realized what they had not noticed before, there were at least a thousand bahamuts in the sky with up to three mages on each one. “NOW” said the booming voice. At this command, all the mages started to repeat a spell; all of them were fourth advancement mages. Huge columns of light started to hit the ground, meteors and colossal sharp ice crystal followed. Buildings were cut up and burned as if paper and people would disappear in columns of light from the heavens. A scene of despair and death lay in front of people, who most of them died soon.

The attack suddenly ceased and the voice said to the people, “Surrender to us now and we will spare you more death and destruction.” Many of the surviving people yelled up to the sky, “Yes we surrender!” wanting to prevent any more sadness and death than already caused. “We do have one condition though,” laughed the voice, “you must turn in each of your leaders to Ellinia.” At this, many people were about to yell back disagreements, but upon looking down at the death in front of them, knew that it must be done to save their race from being completely wiped out. Athena Pierce, Dances with Balrog, and Dark Lord all accepted to save their people. The surviving people were crying at their bravery and would always remember this act that they had committed.

In Ellinia, the three remaining leaders had arrived at Ellinia’s court building. They were greeted by a member of Onnex with most of Onnex in the stands and a few standing and facing them behind the front most member. “Athena Pierce, Dances with Balrog, and the Dark Lord,” the member started, “Ellinia’s court finds you guilty of negligence for your people’s actions for the last fifty years. Your punishment is death… by bleeding.” The three leaders looked at the member as if he were crazy. “This is insane, where is Grendel! We demand to speak with him!” exclaimed Athena Pierce. “And soon you shall…” sneered the member. The leaders had now realized that Grendel had been killed, and before being able to say anything, was dragged away by some members of Onnex in magic repelling handcuffs.

The next day, most of the magicians had come back to Ellinia and had started to celebrate their new power. “I’m sorry to interrupt your celebration, but if we could have just one moment” a voice said from the stage. The mages eagerly awaited the speaker. “My fellow magicians, we have done it. We have won!” a member of Onnex said, “and we have declared the member of Onnex the government of Victoria Island, and soon to be the world.” The magicians accepted this, as they have proven to be true leader. “And we will now be known as the Regmate Ams.”

It was the annual “Unification” Day as the mages called it. Everywhere around the world, people were celebrating the day that the world had entered peace and the mages had apparently helped the world out of chaos and into one great country, watched over by the mages. In each country, people held festivals in honor of this day, while the Regmate Ams held a different celebration on Onnex, a small island exclusive to the Regmate Ams.

“Are there any more issues we must address before this meeting ends?” asked the head member. The Regmate Ams held a meeting once every other week in Onnex. This meeting happened to be scheduled on the same day as “Unification” Day, better known to mages as Expropriation Day as the mages “took” possession of everything the other people had. A single hand rose amidst the four hundred other members who were attending the meeting. “Yes Divi, what is your issue?” the head member patiently asked.

Divi stood up, one of the younger members in the Regmate Ams, but one of the strongest male members. “Thank you sir. I’d like to address the issue of proposition eight.” Divi sternly said aloud. A loud sigh was heard through the room as many members knew what was coming. Divi, slightly insulted, kept going, “We should at least give is a chance, it can actually work out. It has before, as I’ve read in the library.” The head member now also sighed. “Fine. Everyone in favor of proposition eight, to give power back to the other four races and allow them to live along side of us, in equal rule, please second the movement now.” The head member sighed.

“You should really stop bringing this up, Divi. Our ancestors worked hard to get US to this position that we are in right now. Do you really want to destroy their work? And considering the date today is the anniversary of their conquest three hundred and twenty-four years ago...” Err snickered. Err, full name Err Cato, is one of the top ten strongest mages currently living, and is also the youngest out of them. Although Err is a few years older than Divi, Divi is not much weaker than Err, but nowhere near the top ten. Divi threw Err a cold look, only to have him throw back an even colder one. The two did not have much of a liking for each other. But Err had power and a lot of influence in the Regmate Ams and had just discouraged many members from voting for proposition eight.

Divi looked around the room nervously at the other four hundred members, many not even paying attention to him. One hand rose and a member stood up, his legs shaking a small bit, but calmed himself. “I second the movement.” He declared. The member’s name was Glean, also one of the younger members of the Regmate Ams, but slightly older than Divi. “If anyone is in favor of this movement, please say ‘I’.” The head member sighed again. A female member now stood up. “I am in favor of the movement.” She stated. “You only needed to say ‘I’ Jynn, please stop making yourself known.” The head member snapped. The room was silent for a while, and no one moved except for the three people standing, now a little nervously.

“Is no one else in favor of the movement? Going once, going twice, sold!” The head member chuckled. The other members started to laugh as Divi exchanged smiles with Jynn and Glean. The three sat back down and waited for the laughter to calm down. “Since there are no other issues, this meeting is now closed.” The head member proclaimed and hit the desk with a special gavel, and a noise like a gunshot shot across the room. The members started to file out of the room, eager to get to the celebrations for Expropriation Day.

Divi waited until he was one of the last to leave. Jynn and Glean also stayed, waiting for their friend Divi. Divi walked a bit behind Jynn and Glean at a slower pace, taking in the somberness of the failure he had just committed. Again he had tried to get equal rights to all, and again he had failed, it seemed like the whole thing was just a circle and it was going to repeat again. Nevertheless, he always gained hope looking up at his friends who had supported him. His mind drifted away from the meeting and he looked at the festival being held from the front door of the meeting place.

The distant voice could be barely made out where Divi, Jynn, and Glean were standing. It was the annual speech given by anyone who volunteered to on a set-up stage. Considering everyone was a member of the Regmate Ams because they were on the island of Onnex, the true past could be talked about freely, mostly about the Mages’ Revolution.

Divi pushed his way through the crowd, Glean and Jynn trailing behind him. When he reached the stage, he waited for the current speaker to step off the stage for his turn. He was burning with his thoughts and ideas, ready to spill them out to the world, or at least the Regmate Ams. The current speaker ended his speech and the audience applauded him. Divi walked up, confidently and in an intimidating manner.

The crowd went silent, knowing what was to come as Divi had become quite famous for his ideas. Some members started to yawn and sigh loudly and rudely in an effort to try to get him off the stage. Divi ignored these and started his hastily prepared speech. “Is it fair to have your powers taken from you? To have one of God’s given rights taken away? To be ruled by a group of people who you don’t even know or to be forced to live in shame?” Divi started, “An equal government, ruled equally by all. I propose this idea to you. If we set our gover-”. Divi was cut off by a woman from the audience.

“We’re living perfectly fine together in harmony. There’s no reason to change it.” She said.
“Maybe WE are living fine, but more than 80% of the world is living in poverty, all the non ma-”
“So what’s wrong with that picture? We’re fine, they got what they deserve.” A man said.
“They didn’t deserve that at all, the whole picture is wrong!”
“It is karma; they had it coming from their ancestors!” The man answered.
“Karma does not exist. But justice does, and this is not justice.”

Divi walked off the stage after this statement, even more furious and frustrated than before. Glean and Jynn tried to calm Divi down, but all efforts seemed futile. After the group was half a mile away from the stage, the sound of cheering could be heard again, most likely from a pro-mage speech. Divi stopped walking, almost angry enough to turn back and attack the audience, but he was smart and would not let his anger get the better of him.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm down. Suddenly he saw light although his eyes were closed and he felt a strong wave of heat hit his back and he was knocked to the ground, then the sound of the explosion came, a nearly deafening blast. Divi opened his eyes and to find that Glean and Jynn had also fallen down, but seemed okay and were getting up. Their clothes were now a little singed in the back. The blast had come behind them from the direction they were going away from the stage. Divi smiled and even laughed a little bit; his anger had gotten the better of him.

The group turned around at the source of the blast and found people running away in panic and a column of smoke rising from where the stage had stood. Multiple trees were blocking the view, and the three had to run back to see what had happened. The three ended up in a scene of destruction, but the main inferno had already been controlled by ice mages who had been only scratched by the blast. ‘The stage is gone, and so is most of the audience,’ Divi thought, ‘Most…’ Glean and Jynn stood there in awe and shock, but in a sorrowful way unlike Devin who was still holding in some of his anger. ‘I guess karma does exist…’ Divi thought.

“What’s that smell?” Jynn asked holding her nose. The group took their first look at the ground since they had gotten there. The three had smelled burning flesh. They were greeted by a head, half burned and half intact, the intact half showing surprise by the blast. Jynn screamed and almost fell backwards, only stopped by an arm. The place from the stage had body parts spread across it. “About three people dead,” Divi assumed, analyzing the number of body parts. Jynn lurched about, trying to leave the graveyard of body parts. Divi and Glean seemed to be able to stay calm, but Divi a little calmer than a normal person would be.

Glean helped Jynn to her house, while trying to help her calm down. Divi decided to stay and watch the investigators who had just arrived. The fire was now out, and the bodies were being picked up to be analyzed and confirmed, and eventually buried. The cause of the explosion was obvious, it was the notorious Almuce. He could be identified by the mark he leaves in his attacks, which consisted of a large burn mark in the middle with five smaller marks connected with the large mark by a line. The mark looked similar to a bike wheel’s spokes, but without the outside covering.

A man walked by and grabbed Divi’s arm. Divi tried to fight back, but suddenly felt awkwardly compressed and could feel wind rushing through every cell in his body. He ended up in a spacious room with a high view of the ocean. Divi recognized this immediately, a group teleportation, which could force anyone to the chosen place, but they must be touching and a lot of energy is drained from the one who casts the spell. Divi turned around to see a man at the far side of the room hanging up a coat and hat. Divi walked up to the man, wanting straight and clear answers.

The man was only older than him by four or five years. “Who are you?!” Divi asked demandingly. Divi’s eyes fell towards the man’s hand. It had Almuce’s symbol on it. Divi stumbled back a little bit. “You’re Almuce... The terrorist Almuce?” The man nodded his head with a sort of cocky smile. “Call me what you want, but I do these deeds for the same reason as you. We just have different ways of doing it.” Almuce sang.
“We have MUCH different ways of doing it, I use intellect you kill.” Divi said, a bit insulted.
“I kill for a reason; it’s obvious it’s the only way. Maybe you just don’t realize it yet.”
“We’re mages we can think of much smarter ways of fighting, especially one another!”
“I AM doing it the smarter way.”
“Don’t give me that, I worked my way into the Regmate Ams. All I need is a good vote.”
“You’re never going to get anywhere through that…”
“Oh really, and how would you know, you terrorist?”
“Because, I tried it first.”

Divi went silent for a little bit, while Almuce just smiled. “So you were in the Regmate Ams before?” Divi asked. Almuce nodded his head again. “How come you aren’t anymore?” Divi asked again. “I’m a fighter type of guy, and I was trying to fight for OUR ideas. They thought I was too forceful, so I left.” Divi was silent again, his mind flooded with questions.

“To the mage world, you’re a terrorist, a murderer. Why are you so upbeat?” Divi inquired.
“I’m trying the get our ideas into action by killing the least amount of people I can.”
“This is the least? And since you keep saying ‘I’, I’m assuming you work alone?”
“This is a small amount compared to how we got here in the first place, and I have a team.”
“One last question,” Divi said, “Why did you bring me here?”
Almuce was silent for a moment. He looked down at the ground and looked back up at Divi with an even brighter upbeat smile than he had before.
“I want you to join my team.” Almuce laughed.
Divi gave into Almuce’s laugh and smiled.

Divi, Glean, and Jynn walked up the stairs to the grand library. “The other Regmate Alms members are at the meeting right now, so we should have enough time to get those documents Almuce was talking about and get out without anyone noticing,” Divi assured. The three exchange looks of doubt, but went inside anyways. The halls were dim lighted, making it easy to get lost in the hundreds of rows of books. “Are you sure we can trust him Divi? I mean, you only told us about him a few days ago and I haven’t even met him yet,” Jynn said nervously. Divi ignored her question and led on to the back of the library. A large door came into view after a few minutes of walking down the hall. The door was well lit, which enhanced the appearance of its carefully detailed carvings.

“See, here it is exactly where he said it would be,” Divi said with a small nervous laugh showing that he had started to doubt Almuce too.
“Well how do we open it?” Glean inquired. Divi took out a piece of notebook paper from his pocket and unfolded it. After carefully reading the paper over a few times, he looked up at the door and studied the details.

“Well? What do we do from here?” Glean said impatiently.
“Calm down Glean we have enough time,” Divi said his eyes still fixed on the door. “See these three gems in the door? Wave your hands over them while concentrating on one of your elements, whichever you’re comfortable with.” Glean, being a fire and poison mage, closed his eyes and concentrated on his favorite element, fire. As his hands passed over the left and middle orb, nothing happened, but when his hand reached the right orb it started to glow a fiery red. “That’s your orb,” Divi said. Divi closed his eyes and concentrated on his only element, the holy element and the middle orb glowed a bright white light. Jynn closed her eyes and gave a try at the only remaining orb, concentrating on her favorite element of lightning and the left orb started to glow with small lightning bolts moving inside.

“Okay, now that we’ve found out which element is which, and we fit perfectly in with the three elements, you guys should shoot an arrow consisting of both of your elements directly at the orb.” Divi read off. Divi read on to figure out what his job was. He then summoned a baby form of his bahamut. The three looked at each other and fired in unison. The orbs seemed unable to take the magic, but then absorbed it as a bright light took over. The three shielded their eyes from the light, and opened them to find them inside of the next room. There was only one shelf in this room and Divi walked up to it, immediately searching for the documents he was told to get. After scanning a few rows, he found a group of old, dusty scrolls. He carefully grabbed them all and put them inside a bag.

The three of them turned to face darkness, and no entrance in sight of how they had gotten there. Taking a wild guess, they shot again in unison, this time into the dark. The now familiar bright light started to glow and the group shielded their eyes once more. They opened their eyes to find themselves outside of the library and looked around for Almuce. A man in a coat walked up to them and teleported them into a field with a small hill nearby. “Almuce, is that you?” Divi asked a bit dazed from the random lights and movement.

Almuce took off his coat and hat. “Yeah it’s me. Did you get the documents?” Almuce asked.