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+--- Thread: The horrible truth about Eosian. (/showthread.php?tid=27981)
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The horrible truth about Eosian. - Magus - 2010-07-21
Hello Southperry, I am here today to inform you about the terrifying, horrible truth about your administrator Eosian. I use to work behind the scenes on this website until my resignation; Eos always seemed a little bit odd, and it wasn’t until recently that I figured out why.
Eosian is a cyborg.
Now before you quote this and call me a card carrying member of the tinfoil hat club please take a minute to read what I have to say! Your lives are at stake people.
In 1999 an alien being laid waste to the planet, or more precisely it would have if myself and a group of time travelers didn't killed it before it had the chance to. This was a dark page of humanity’s history that only a handful knows, and to be honest I am quite reluctant about sharing it. But in the end it’s for the greater good.
Ever since then the time traveler's guild and I have worked to make sure that such a tragedy never happens in this timeline, so we have used technology from the future to scout the surrounding solar system (On multiple time lines, mind you.) for ANY sign of the time devourer’s return. Recently one of our scouting robots sent back an odd feed from present day Jupiter.
Spoiler
![[Image: scanphoto2000203334.png]](http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/3270/scanphoto2000203334.png)
This is a still frame of the footage before it was cut short. What you are seeing is the true face of your administrator, Eosian. I should have made the connection years ago- it all makes sense now! His speech patterns, his acquisition to power, his cold methodical disregard for human life, his ability to do repetitive tasks that would drive any normal human being insane! One thing still bothered me though. Why would a cyborg want to make an account on a Maple Story fan forum? It just didn’t make sense.
Until I saw the newest image one of our satellites from future Jupiter picked up and re-read our Sat-scan’s analysis. The robotic body he is using is from the Slavedriver 9200 series. Previously I just dismissed this fact because I figured that he must be using it due to its superior mobility and toughness.
Spoiler
![[Image: scanphotonumber3000233.png]](http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/9085/scanphotonumber3000233.png)
As you can see I was wrong. He is the robotic overlord of the planet’s salt mines. Slavebot 92013VX codenamed “Eosian” oversees the slave labor and “corrects” any misbehavior between the coloney’s mining personnel with brutal efficiency. But that still doesn’t answer why he’s here on this forum. Well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to connect the dots: Maple Story players are statistically shown to tolerate repetitive actions when a reward is just out of their reach, not unlike a horse trying to get a carrot on a stick. It’s also been shown that no matter how badly an authoritative figure treats them they will not quit the arbitrary tasks they are presented with.
THIS MAKES THEM IDEAL SLAVES.
Eosian realized this, and so he has taken over Southperry to recruit people to work on the salt mines of Jupiter. I’ve figured it all out. The jig’s up, Eos. By posting this message I have altered the present timeline so that Southperry’s knowledge of your true intentions makes it impossible for you to enslave them.
EDIT: I have just now seen the future. You have lost, Eos. You will remain on with no one to run your master’s mine. That’s right, I know all about your master Yogmoth and his plans for intergalactic conquest. In about 200 years time he will realize your failure and destroy you for your incompetence, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.
CHECK MATE, YOU PHYREXIAN MONSTER!
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Mark - 2010-07-21
lol so random xD
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Will - 2010-07-21
That was such a beast read.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - MetaSeraphim - 2010-07-21
I would be worried if I wasn't an alien God here to watch all you make complete fools of yourself and then destroy your planet for my own enjoyment.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - madanthony - 2010-07-21
MetaSeraphim Wrote:I would be worried if I wasn't an alien God here to watch all you make complete fools of yourself and then destroy your planet for my own enjoyment.
Is that what the Toonami guy does?
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Loose - 2010-07-21
Eos, you monster!
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Corn - 2010-07-21
Even better than your Orbital Cannon script, Magus.
That reminds me: is the Cannon still operational in slaying Eos?
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Magus - 2010-07-21
ClawofBeta Wrote:Even better than your Orbital Cannon script, Magus.Thankfully the cannon remains under Feil's control. Though, unfortunetly it cannot even reach, let alone effect Eos.
That reminds me: is the Cannon still operational in slaying Eos?
Trust me, if I could have used it agienst him and saved myself the trouble of going through time I would have.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Rob - 2010-07-21
Oh my god, Will, your post is so full of typos.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - KaidaTan - 2010-07-21
...Memnarch?
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Magus - 2010-07-21
Rob Wrote:Oh my god, Will, your post is so full of typos.
Is that the thanks you give to someone who saved over 2,000 people?! >
Besides, with alternate time line Hitler on the loose I don't have time to make sure everything is correct.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - holyforest - 2010-07-21
This is amazing.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - madanthony - 2010-07-21
I know who can save us:
[imgspoiler]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/8924039/isaiahrapidash.jpg[/imgspoiler]
Also:
[SIZE="7"]THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE[/SIZE]
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Five Second Pose - 2010-07-21
We need a Greatest Hits thread or something, all the good threads like this are going to get lost among the usual crap.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Kalovale - 2010-07-21
Rayquaza2233 Wrote:We need a Greatest Hits thread or something, all the good threads like this are going to get lost among the usual crap.
I thought there was a collection of epic threadz. Had a great time surfing it.
Now Eos is going to rage and harass us with hot steamy man pictures because his plans failed. Dam, Magus.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Typhoon - 2010-07-21
seen title. came in. disappointed. logged out.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Sn1perJohnE - 2010-07-21
Eosian Wrote:All your SP belong me.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Ultros - 2010-07-21
Magus Wrote:CHECK MATE, YOU PHYREXIAN MONSTER!
![[Image: ZVjpc.jpg]](http://imgur.com/ZVjpc.jpg)
.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Doctor Omega - 2010-07-21
Will, you are my knight in shining armor.
The horrible truth about Eosian. - Killed - 2010-07-21
i laughed XDDDDDDDDDDDDD