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+--- Thread: Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? (/showthread.php?tid=14042)
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Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - sky54264 - 2009-07-25
This is a short entry from my blog. I apologize if it's just rambling. I'm not the best writer nor the best person who can get their thoughts out in writing. I'm ponderous on this topic so I'd like to hear what the people on Southperry have to say on it.
Quote:A little food for thought there, I guess. In my last entry on this subject, I mentioned that the right friends will just cross paths with you based off a quote I came across: "Friendship isn't supposed to be sought, it'll just happen when you meet the right people."
You will never have to find a BFF, because it's something that isn't found. It's something that's built on, through bonding, through time spent. Whether that may or may not be the case for finding a significant other is ambiguous. For one thing, I've always believed that there's two perspective to everything in life. I guess it's why I'm an engineer eh. If something is found, then the something must've been sought. Not necessarily in the sense that someone was looking for it, in the sense that it was found. Here's an example of what I mean: when an object gets picked up off the ground, there's two point of views happening: there's the hand picking it up. It sees the object. And there's the object that's getting picked up. It sees the hand. Kinda like that. The world is very mechanical and procedural if one would stop and think about it. And I've been stopping to think about it for 21 years.
So in the sense of a friendship, or relationship happening, I believe there's two point of views as well. One is the point of view is that the relationship... happened. That's the hand that's picking up the object that sees the object. Then there's the sense that the relationship was waiting to happen. That's the object that sees the hand. So with that given definition, every relationship is sought. You must've had some interest in the person and the other, likewise for a relationship to be possible between the two. Many argue that a relationship just happens and that it isn't something that is sought or forced. I'd like to believe that relationships just naturally happen as much as anyone else. I've been in a few myself, it does just "happen". But would it happen if I was never looking for one? And to anyone arguing that their relationship was something that just... "happened" :
Would it have happened if you were not looking for it? Would it have happened if you were not interested in looking for it? Would it have happened if you were not interested?
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Derimed - 2009-07-25
There's no rules to anything in friendship or romance. If it happens and is successful, it happens and is successful. The particulars are always different.
-A nice, gentle girl meets a good kind boy, they fall in love because they're so good to each other and eventually get married.
-A barslut meets a womanizer, they have great sex for 6 months and get married
because of that.
On paper, the events are the same, but once you dive into particulars there's no similarities. The second example IS a marriage, but there are more likely to be complications such as divorce or cheating. Friendship is the same. The "friendship" in the movie Goodfellas can be called that, but it's much different than a normal friendshipt hat started at the age of 3. Some people view their friends as patsies to be used and eventually discarded, (we all know some of those.) A friendship like that is not the same as with a guy that is a genuinely good person and eventually becomes like a brother to you.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - sky54264 - 2009-07-25
Quantact Wrote:There's no rules to anything in friendship or romance. If it happens and is successful, it happens and is successful. The particulars are always different.
I disagree. If you dissect every detail, then no two relationships will be the same. The two scenarios "John meets Mary in a bar" and "Chris meets Ann in a bar" are already different from each other due to sheer naming of characters. I'm speaking more generally; that the ways of meeting that significant other can all be categorized on general terms and those are: we either find them, or it naturally happens. And what I was getting at is that is "naturally happens" even possible if you (re)defined it in a different angle?
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Russt - 2009-07-26
Quote:Would it have happened if you were not interested?Except you don't know in advance whether you'd be interested or not.
Object gets picked up off the ground. Would the person need to be looking for any such object to notice something shiny lying there? What if it's a piece of gold? That's suddenly very interesting, isn't it?
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - xpimnoob - 2009-07-26
There is no absolute correct way, but there are definitely wrong ways. There is a large amount of people you can spend the rest of your life with, but there are some you you cannot be with no matter what. There are people you aren't meant to be with, but you are not limited to who you are able to be with.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Derimed - 2009-07-26
xpimnoob Wrote:There is no absolute correct way, but there are definitely wrong ways. There is a large amount of people you can spend the rest of your life with, but there are some you you cannot be with no matter what. There are people you aren't meant to be with, but you are not limited to who you are able to be with.
You'd be surprised at how many people end up marrying the absolute wrong person. There are plenty of people in horribly abusive relationships that don't have the confidence to walk away.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - xpimnoob - 2009-07-26
When i say not meant to be with, it doesn't mean being with them will not happen. It's just, not meant to be.
Or maybe sometimes people are meant to be in abusive relationships to teach them something in life.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Derimed - 2009-07-26
xpimnoob Wrote:Or maybe sometimes people are meant to be in abusive relationships to teach them something in life.
That is a really callous, heartless thing to say. A lot of the people in abusive relationships saw the pimento/peach as better than they really were, and they become a human doormat. This happens for no reason, and the pimento makes no excuses.
If you don't have the humanity to evaluate the human condition ethically, maybe you should not evaluate it at all. I personally am having trouble taking you seriously right now.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Rob - 2009-07-27
Quantact Wrote:That is a really callous, heartless thing to say. A lot of the people in abusive relationships saw the pimento/peach as better than they really were, and they become a human doormat. This happens for no reason, and the pimento makes no excuses.
If you don't have the humanity to evaluate the human condition ethically, maybe you should not evaluate it at all. I personally am having trouble taking you seriously right now.
You know Quantact, I have really nothing against you, but just reading you calling people heartless and callous makes me wonder if you can be taken seriously. I have nothing to say on topic, but I'd prefer that you read your own posts in some other threads before replying. (Please refer yourself to the AK-47 and trucks thread, the Homosexuality thread and the relationships only for sex thread in the Angry Dome).
Thank you.
And please don't take this as a personal thing, I do not intend to troll/bash or flame you or anyone.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Katie - 2009-07-27
xpimnoob Wrote:When i say not meant to be with, it doesn't mean being with them will not happen. It's just, not meant to be.
Or maybe sometimes people are meant to be in abusive relationships to teach them something in life.
When I was 18 I was in a very abusive relationship. I asked myself thousands of times if it was to punish me for something that I did or to teach me a lesson. Truth is, he was just a piece of pomegranate who was making himself feel better by hurting me. The only thing that I was "taught" was to weed out the douchebags from the good guys.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Derimed - 2009-07-27
RobMdza Wrote:You know Quantact, I have really nothing against you, but just reading you calling people heartless and callous makes me wonder if you can be taken seriously. I have nothing to say on topic, but I'd prefer that you read your own posts in some other threads before replying. (Please refer yourself to the AK-47 and trucks thread, the Homosexuality thread and the relationships only for sex thread in the Angry Dome).
Thank you.
And please don't take this as a personal thing, I do not intend to troll/bash or flame you or anyone.
After the AK-47 thread I had a talk with the Muslim in there yesterday. Kigaz. Without calling his people terrorists I explained why Westerners have issues with Mulsims, he AGREED, and he did not call me racist. (Go on, PM Kigaz, he'll tell you.) The fights I got in the two threads you're talking about were with Myles and vernacular, whom I see as creeps.
In the end, people give what they get. I'll say what's on my mind, and if someone's being an idiot I'll say that too; but yeah, people being beaten, raped and abused and they had it "coming to them," and I "can't be taken seriously" for saying that's wrong? You have very interesting logic.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - xpimnoob - 2009-07-27
Katie Wrote:When I was 18 I was in a very abusive relationship. I asked myself thousands of times if it was to punish me for something that I did or to teach me a lesson. Truth is, he was just a piece of pomegranate who was making himself feel better by hurting me. The only thing that I was "taught" was to weed out the douchebags from the good guys.
when i said teach them a lesson, it wasn't like punish them. you learned something out of your experience. you learned how to tell a douchebag from a good guy. in my opinion, that's a very valuable skill.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Derimed - 2009-07-27
xpimnoob Wrote:when i said teach them a lesson, it wasn't like punish them. you learned something out of your experience. you learned how to tell a douchebag from a good guy. in my opinion, that's a very valuable skill.
An abusive relationship is not exactly a classroom learning experience. Girl might get raped, guy might get nabbed in marriage or relationship by a golddigger who steals his money, (I personally lost 10,000 dollars in such a relationship after being with the goldigger only 2 weeks,) a person might even be physically injured or killed, (such as getting together with a gangbanger guy.)
Those are not "learning experiences," those are more like "catastrophes." Tons and tons of people end up married to such scum for LIFE, and the abuse spreads to their family and offspring, and others find a good person only after being in many bad relationships.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Rob - 2009-07-27
Quantact Wrote:After the AK-47 thread I had a talk with the Muslim in there yesterday. Kigaz. Without calling his people terrorists I explained why Westerners have issues with Mulsims, he AGREED, and he did not call me racist. (Go on, PM Kigaz, he'll tell you.) The fights I got in the two threads you're talking about were with Myles and vernacular, whom I see as creeps.
In the end, people give what they get. I'll say what's on my mind, and if someone's being an idiot I'll say that too; but yeah, people being beaten, raped and abused and they had it "coming to them," and I "can't be taken seriously" for saying that's wrong? You have very interesting logic.
You know, even if you dislike them, it's harsh to say they are creeps, and I'm not siding with them. You told Myles to go to an arab country and try by himself getting killed for being gay. That's not intelligent, that's not kind, that's not how you treat people. Doesn't matter if it is because of their sexual preference, their skin color or because you have a grudge against them.
Anyway, I have nothing more to say to you. I've let the steam out. Whether I'm right or not, it's just up to you. Thank you for listening.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Myles - 2009-07-27
Quantact Wrote:After the AK-47 thread I had a talk with the Muslim in there yesterday. Kigaz. Without calling his people terrorists I explained why Westerners have issues with Mulsims, he AGREED, and he did not call me racist. (Go on, PM Kigaz, he'll tell you.) The fights I got in the two threads you're talking about were with Myles and vernacular, whom I see as creeps.
In the end, people give what they get. I'll say what's on my mind, and if someone's being an idiot I'll say that too; but yeah, people being beaten, raped and abused and they had it "coming to them," and I "can't be taken seriously" for saying that's wrong? You have very interesting logic.
Why did you have to mention me? What the hell is your problem man. Stop being deceptive and just ignore me, whatever, just save us both the hassle and just leave me the f'uck alone.
On the f'ucking topic; I agree that people only learn what an abusive relationship is by being in one. How else will they know what one's like? From word of mouth? Yeah, like that gets anywhere in life. Pretty much most people will be in an abusive relationship, in one way or another. It is a lesson of life, but not one which should be taken to heart. If people take their all their bad experiences in life, they would get no-where. One abusive relationship might put someone off relationships together.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - sky54264 - 2009-07-27
Myles Wrote:On the f'ucking topic; I agree that people only learn what an abusive relationship is by being in one.thats not even the topic lol
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Myles - 2009-07-27
sky54264 Wrote:thats not even the topic lol
Being on topic does not necessarily mean mentioning everything that's in the first post, since conversations change over time, and it's not all going to be on the exact same thing now, is it?
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - sky54264 - 2009-07-27
Myles Wrote:Being on topic does not necessarily mean mentioning everything that's in the first post, since conversations change over time, and it's not all going to be on the exact same thing now, is it?
those are called tangents. not necessarily 'on topic' per se because it may or may not be relevant.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - Myles - 2009-07-27
sky54264 Wrote:those are called tangents. not necessarily 'on topic' per se because it may or may not be relevant.
But when practically every poster is on a tagent, it more or less because the main topic.
Relationships : Meant to be or suppose to be? - sky54264 - 2009-07-27
Myles Wrote:But when practically every poster is on a tagent, it more or less because the main topic.
with that logic, if congress is debating and about to pass a law on gay rights and the topic digressed to abortion due to tangents, does congress end up passing a law about abortion? we may not be senators and representatives here but this is the rubix's cube, a place for intellectual discussion; not a conversation in social forum or the funhouse.